What is flat, at the center of the universe, and warming?

Where would you find the emo kid at his birthday party? Just *hanging* out by himself in the bedroom

What’s the difference between cab drivers and F1 drivers? F1 driver doesn’t think he’s a cab driver

A Blind Man Walked Into A Bar… and a table.

What did batman say to robin? What did batman say to robin before they got in the bat-mobile? “Get in”

A little girl was next in line. ‘My name’s Curtain’ she said. ‘I hope your first name is not Agnate ?’ ‘No it’s velvet !’

A man with a mirror leaves a party… … and says “I’ll see myself out.”

“Dad, what do you think about abortion?” –Ask your sister –But I don’t have a sis…

2 blondes walk into a bank You’d have thought one of them would have seen it

I cant believe Whoopi Goldberg hasn’t legally changed her last name to “Cushion.” I mean, why even be a celebrity??