OK, time to put up the tree and spend the next six weeks scolding the cat for playing with the dangly remarkably-cat-toy-like ornaments.

I think it’s nice that the vowels sometimes let “Y” into their crew.

What do you call a masochist looking for a hookup? Cruisin’ for a bruisin’

Bartender: What can I get you? Me: Drunk

now when we see rotten food we think “we should throw this out” but in the past, they’d be like “are there any shitty concerts coming up?”

bacon and eggs walk into a bar bartender says: “I’m sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”

What is the similarity between Election and Erection? The words election and erection are spelled similarly. They both have the same meaning too: a dick rising to power.

Rosie O’Donnell is such a hipster …she hated Trump before it was cool.

The oldest British joke (10th Century): What hangs at a man’s thigh and wants to poke the hole that it’s often poked before? A key.

When I call out the wrong name during sex, I just segue into singing Mambo No. 5.