How does a Welshman find sheep in long grass? Irresistible.

As told to me by my 5y/o nephew at the dinner table… Why did the elephant cross the road?   Because he farted!

If a group of ducks were controlling the “autocorrect” feature that would be ducking insane

Kim Kardashian’s baby will be the whitest person to ever see her vagina.

Sorry to interrupt, but the personal story you’re in the middle of telling reminds me of how much I love attention.

Kylo Ren and Supreme Leader Snoke go to a restaurant. Why did Snoke get his meal before Kylo Ren? Because he made the First Order!

What is a prime way of knowing when a retard is thirsty? He’ll have water on the brain.

A man went into his local pharmacy to purchase condoms. After ringing his item up the cashier asked, “Would you like a bag?” The man responded, “No, she’s not that ugly.”

How do magicians hide their boners? The power of missed-erection.

I’ve decided to take some time off Facebook so I can focus on work and, ok, I’m back