What type of bagel can fly? A plain (plane) bagel!

My wife has been binge watching episodes of snapped, so I cancelled my life insurance policy, and haven’t slept or eaten in days.

What’s an old woman taste like? Depends …

Q: What do you have when you have a cow and two ducks? A: Milk and quackers.

How does Moses make tea He brews it..

What do you call a pig that votes? Polled pork.

I should have made a website called www.reallydontfit.com and posted all the pics of fat chicks wearing skinny clothes this weekend. @MaleHonesty86

Really Speedo Guy? Things aren’t bad enough in the world already? You’ve got to display to the whole beach that you’re hung like a Tic-Tac?

For christmas i bought my girlfriend a pair of shoes and a dildo. That way if she doesnt like the shoes she can go fuck herself.

What sort of drug does a duck use? Quack cocaine