Cancer cures smoking.

[1692 Salem] “BURN THE WITCH” U HAVE A CROOKED NOSE, WITCH “No, Frank, at the stake” [quickly lighting torch] Right, I knew that.

Girlfriend pressuring you to have a baby? Set the alarm on her phone to an infant screaming. If that doesn’t changer her mind..DUMP HER!

What does a man with one leg wear to the beach? Flop.

Autocarrot sucks!

Why aren’t the Italians afraid of the biscuit? Because it ain’t nothing butter biscuit!!!

Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and an ironing board? A: It’s difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.

Why can’t elephants go skinny dipping? They can’t get their trunks off…

Two Sikhs are fighting with each other on the street… “I WILL A KILL YOU!” One says blatantly. “AND THEN?” The other bellows while widening his eyes.

So, Tim Cook came out of the cloud?