What kind of pants does Super Mario wear? Denim Denim Denim

I’ts so cold outside… I actually saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

Just reported a car stolen because the people inside are black and the stick figures on the window were white

This vodka tastes strange, kinda like I’m not going to work tomorrow.

What kind of orange juice do Jews drink? All kinds, just not concentrated

Keep reaching for the stars but get a better deodorant.

What’s the only mammal that can breathe under ice? An elephant hiding in your fridge

Woman Attacks her Husband This woman is accused of attacking her husband with several of his guitars. Judge: “First Offender?” Woman: “No. First a Gibson Les Paul. Second a Fender.”

A co-worker said to me, “Could you be any more annoying?” So the next day I wore tap shoes to work.

What’s the difference between an 115 year old man and a 46 year old woman ? sixty-nine