People always ask why I’m wearing a sombrero in my high school graduation pictures. Clearly, because it was my senor year.

Why do zombies always kill at comedy clubs? Because their jokes are told post-humorously!

I intend to live forever… or die trying.

What should a rabbit use to keep his fur neat? A harebrush.

How to insult an elder in the museum. Say “I would shake your hand, but the sign says “Do not touch the artifacts.””.

Call it a hunch, but I’m pretty sure I have an abnormal convex curvature of the upper spine.

A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3… He says, “Uno, dos…” and then *poof* disappeared without a tres.

Why were Porn Stars not affected by the recession? Some jobs always have sticky wages…

The issue of cannibalism and the afterlife A cannibal dies. He moves on to the afterlife. He goes to a bar. He drinks a spirit. He says “sorry, I needed seconds.”.

I had a wet dream about you last night I dreamed that you got hit by a bus and I pissed myself laughing.