When I die, scatter me across my ex’s front lawn. Also, don’t cremate me.

What’d the leper say to the prostitute? Keep the tip

Not a joke, sorry, but I’m new to this subreddit… Does this subreddit actually have 36 million “humorists” or is that a joke? If so, I don’t get it.

What do you get when you mix a Mexican with an octopus? I dont know, but it sure as hell can pick apples.

son let me tell you about the birds and the bees… I left a window opened and they flew in and now I’m scared to go in that room

When people try to play games with you, simply choose not to play. Unless it’s Naked Twister. Never turn down Naked Twister.

Two scientists walk into a bar… One asks for a H2O, the other asks for a H2O too. The bartender hands them both glasses of water and asks them why they’re talking in scientific terms.

“I’m turning over a new leaf” -Adam telling Eve that he’s seeing another woman

Maybe Adele is singing about her cats. You don’t know.

ENTRY-LEVEL JOB OPENING: Minimum 3 years exp required. Must speak 4 languages, have 2 Olympic medals & a reference letter from Barack Obama.