How do you remember your wife’s birthday? forget it once.

How do you keep a fool in suspense… I’ll tell you tomorrow.

I’m going to start rubbing myself up against people when they’ve got nice food. If it works for my cat, it’ll work for me.

I’m hungry for pancakes AND vague racism. Aunt Jemima, it is!

What’s the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer The taste

Why do Catholics drink? …because they’re filled with the Holy Spirit

Dad rocks,son shocked! Son – “Dad whats the difference between confident and confidential?” Dad – “Hmm. You are my son. Of that I am confident. Your friend Timmy is also my son. That’s confidential.”

What is Grammar? The difference between knowing your shit, and knowing you’re shit

If I had a jet pack I would look AWESOME dying within the first 2 minutes of having a jet pack.

I have a dog named Lucky… Sometimes he escapes so we have to go get Lucky. And sometimes it’ll be dark out so we’ll be up all night to get Lucky.