What does Tupac Shakur and Oceans 13 have in common?… They were both shot in Vegas!

I’m writing a book about futurology. It’s coming soon.

What do you call it when a plant used TV Tropes? A TV Tropism.

I painted my PC black to make it run faster Now it doesn’t work

A lesbian tried to hit on me today, so I let her know that I was straight. She told me, “Spaghetti is straight too, till it gets wet”

What is a suicidal person’s favorite card game? Bridge.

If my girlfriend is late for work & looking for keys, I help by following her around the house & looking in exactly the same spots she does.

You know why you can’t scare a gay guy? Because they’re not fucking pussies

I’m starting to think the guy that gave me directions to the train station was just talking to someone on his Bluetooth.

Legally, you are not required to tell your boss WHY you saved all those Burt Reynolds pictures to the desktop.