Whenever I go bowling…. I enter my name as “3 testicles”. That way, occasionally the monitor says “Congratulations 3 testicles! You got a spare!”

Confucius say… French girl high maintenance. Chinese girl Lo Mein-tenance.

What do you call a ship that drives itself? Auto-pirate.

How many economists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? I don’t know. They just keep going on and on about how the last one broke.

I had abstinence-only sex education when I was in high school. It was called Dungeons and Dragons.

What starts with an F and ends in “uck”? Fuck

What’s the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito stops sucking after you slap it. (heard this somewhere)

Keep your friend’s clothes in your enemy’s toaster.

Earth? yeah, I’d hit that -meteor

Just found out my girlfriend has a vagina Should I break up with her?