use this coupon for the pizza its expired whats the worst that could happen [calls wife 10min later] hello Im in something called pizza jail

What does the physicist have to eat when he goes to the pub? Fission chips.

when i got asked to do the thanksgiving prayer Thanks Obama!

If you get raped… Then at least you know there is someone in the world who wants you.

How many animals can you fit into a pair of panty hose? 2 calves, an ass, 1 beaver, a shit load of hares, a camel toe, and a fish nobody can find.

Who’s the most popular guy on a nude beach? The one who shows up with a dozen donuts and two cups of coffee.

What do my iPhone and my girlfriend have in common? They both go off again two minutes later to remind me of the same thing.

If by raw food you mean cookie dough, then yes, I love raw food.

What do you call a grandma that know martial arts? A grandmartial artist. I apologise for any lost brain cells.

What do you call two guys above a window? Curt ‘n Rod