Pretty sure California’s water crisis could have been solved with the number of dropped ice cubes that I’ve lazily kicked under the fridge.

You can eat a huge bag of cashews right in front of a cop and he can’t do shit about it because cashews aren’t illegal.

NSFW – Want to hear a dirty Joke? The white horse rolled in the mud. Hiyo. Try the salisbury steak I’ll be here all week. (I know its an old one, but it always made me laugh)

A polite German who never showers walks into a cathouse… …and does his buisness. All the women then commented on how he had quite a “gru dich.”

How do you get a gay guy to screw a women? Shit in her pussy.

What did the man say to the giant squid? What’s kraken? JAJAJAJAJJAJJAJA

Women’s underwear is a great example of how you can make something half-assed and it still become very successful Thought of this in traffic yesterday

What did King Kong say when he saw the Statue of Liberty? Are you my mother?

What did one ocean say to the other? Nothing, it just waved. Sea what I did there? I’m shore you did. Laugh, you son of a beach!

Want to hear the corniest poop joke ever? No? Too late.