A horse walks into a bar The bartender asks, “why the long face?” The horse starts crying. In between the sobs, he says “it’s not my fault I look like Sarah Jessica Parker!”

What do you call a nun that is going for a walk? A roamin catholic

10 years ago, if you would’ve told me that I’d be having a daughter at 28, I would’ve murdered you for being a robot from the future.

I survived Sharknado, but my friends didn’t… … I miss those chums

Why doesn’t Casper have any children? He has a hollow-weiner.

Why is the Mars Rover banned from pet stores? Curiosity killed the cat.

It’s actually rude to shoot anyone, messenger or not.

What helps keep your teeth together? Toothpaste.

R niggers 2 gay 4 u? How many jews can you fit in a volswagnon? 2 in the front,2 in the bak, and none in the ashtray because the holocaust didn’t happen,

A neutron walks into a bar and asks: “How much for a beer?” The bartender replies: “For you? No charge.”