Every store should have one line for people who have their shit together.

Pretty upset to find out that salmonella poisoning has nothing to do with a vindictive fish named Ella.

What do you call a nun that is lost? A Roamin’ Catholic

Arianna Huffington said Donald Trump is not getting enough sleep, so why isn’t he getting enough sleep? Apparently not having enough **Melania**tonin at night!

What’s the worst advice calculus can give you? Integral of e^x because that’s Se^x dx and it’s never a good idea to sex the ex!

What do you get with breaking news? News casts

Cardinals are fornicating on my porch again! The birds…not the religious robey dudes.

Why doesn’t Mexico have a team in the summer Olympics? Because all the ones who can run, jump or swim are ready in the US.

What’s the difference between a prostitute in the bath tub and a nun? The nun has hope in her soul.

Why are there no Irish lawyers? You ever seen an Irishman pass a bar?