There are three types of people in this world… those who can count and those who can’t.

The best thing about algebra in high school is that it’s in high school and I’m not.

My hatred for Nicki Minaj probably stems from my fear of clowns.

Somebody should tell Forrest Gump that on the back of the box of chocolates it tells you exactly what you’re going to get.

Why did the pervert cross the road? He couldn’t get his dick out of the chicken!

First Kangaroo: How do you tell the difference between an elephant and a rhinoceros? Second Kangaroo: The elephant has a better memory.

Why are there so many Smiths in the phonebook? Because they all own telephones

I have an eating disorder. I’m about to eat dis order of pizza, dis order of fries and dis order of nuggets.

What’s the difference between a long bearded redneck and a long bearded ISIS man? One wants to eat filthy american pigs, and the other wants to kill the filthy american pigs.

I’ve made a list of seven notes on how to get to the front page If you follow the first 6 it will get you a few hundred upvotes but with Note 7 it will blow up