What did the Leper say to the Prostitute? Keep the tip.

Dicksuckers Cramp Guy 1: “You know what this face is?” *Holds mouth open in an O* Guy 2: “No, what?” Guy 1: “Dicksuckers Cramp, get it?” Guy 2: “Yeah” Guy 1: “How often?”

One of my last days in town and my girlfriend asks me what I want to do, and I say we could just sit around. She says what will we sit around?

What’s black and doesn’t work? Decaffeinated coffee, you racist bastard.

[chicken buying a car] Salesman: Hop on in! You’re gonna love these bucket seats. Chicken: OH GOD

NASA : we were wrong , there ARE 9 planets in the Solar System PLUTO: I’m back, baby! NASA: because we found a new one! PLUTO: SON OF A

why cant women count to 70 because 69 is a mouth full

Have you heard about the movie director from space? Woody Alien

Susie 1 – Why did Susie fall off the swing? 2 – Because she had no arms 1 – Knock Knock 2 – Who’s there? 1 – Not Susie

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? Nothing.. She was gagging and choking