What do you call a legless man at the beach during high tide? Fucked.

How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry her.

What did the prarie dog coach say to his team? Just gopher it.

I’m so old I remember when teens getting pregnant meant “PANIC!” not “Congratulations, you get your own MTV show!”

They say 3 out of 4 people text and drive Not me; I watch YouTube videos.

Why do french tanks have rear-view mirrors? So they can see the front-lines.

Men always say they like strong, smart women until you argue with them. And then they’re all like: You talk too much….and I want my Mommy.

Revere rides a horse saying “The British are Coming”and it’s heroic but I hop a pogo stick naked screaming “look at me”and it’s probation?

Is it just me or is solipsism just a load of rubbish?

“Any women in the audience who think I’m a male chauvinist, say “Boooo!” Every woman in the audience yelled “Booo!” The speaker said to the crowd, “Obedient little bitches, aren’t you?”