As a man, I bleed once a month too. When I floss.

How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

If I had a sex change, I would change mine to more

Star Wars Joke. How many stormtroopers does it take to change a glowpanel? 2. One to change it, and another to shoot him and take the credit.

Why do Scottish men wear kilts? Sheep can hear a zipper a mile away…

What did Eminem say when his label spelled his name wrong? It doesn’t Mather.

Monday mornings are spent avoiding people who might ask about my weekend.

What’s the difference between a goldfish and a mountain goat? Goldfish like to muck around the fountain.

Dog Mechanic: The repair is gonna take longer than expected. “Why’s that?” Dog Mechanic: The clutch is worn out, also because I am a dog.

How did the grave robber perish when he became trapped in a pyramid? He died of asphinxiation!