my ex-gf had multiple personalities it was like having sex with a diff woman everynight except the time she turned into some guy named harry

What’s the difference between a Chickpea and a Garbanzo Bean? I haven’t had a garbanzo bean on my face.

Before he was a footballer, Messi used to be a stand-up comedian He had to quit because his jokes kept flying over the audience’s heads.

The past, present and future walked into a bar It was tense.

How is Donald Trump like a VW Bug? They both spew toxic hot air disguised as being good for Americans.

I just wrote down my best joke ever my best joke ever

giving birth and cutting of your fingers are alike alot it hurts like hell and you wont really look the same afterwards. the only difference is that stupid people have to stop after 10 fingers

Ben Carson: Health care is not a right. Trump: We’re not gonna just let people die in the streets! Carson: Oh you’re so hippocratical!

Just killed a butterfly. Let’s see how this changes all future events.

If we went camping… If we went camping and you woke up with a condom in your ass, would you tell anyone? Want to go camping?