Why do Scotsmen screw their sheep by the side of a cliff? Because they push back harder.

What’s the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana? Tiger Woods had a better driver!

oh, youvve read a few academic papers on the matter? cute. i have read over 100000 posts.

A man buys some chocolate pudding from a sweets shop, and finds it’s turned a sickly green color. He says to the manager, “this is off pudding.”

Dating. I met my wife at a Singles Bar. Funny thing is, I thought she was at home looking after the kids.

Did you hear about that new movie about Hitler? It’s called 2fast2furherious.

I bought a pair of sneakers from my drug dealer I don’t know what he laced them with but I’ve been tripping all day!

Did you hear about the girl monster who wasn’t pretty and wasn’t ugly ? She was pretty ugly

Who is Bob Dylan’s favourite soccer player? Harry Kane.

Mos Def (Most Definitely.) Hi Def (High. Definitely.)