Me at a wine tasting: *swirls glass* *sniffs* *sips slowly* *stares off into the distance* …Ah, yes. This is in fact wine.

Q: How many Ethiopians does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Three. One to change it and two to squabble over who gets to eat the packaging.

I posted this joke 3 days ago Fucking FedEx

I put on my pants just like you, reluctantly, when the doorbell rings.

Q: What’s green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A: A pool table.

In a perfect world anyone that said they, “literally died,” would drop dead on the spot.

(ROGUE ONE SPOILER) So the nickname… Throughout the movie, you see Galen calls Jyn his stardust, I thought it was pretty cute. I just didn’t expect it to be so literal though.

What is it called when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.

What’s worse than waking up after a party and finding a penis drawn on your face? Finding out it was traced

What is it called when Batman skips church? Christian Bale!