Why did the hedgehog cross the road? To see he’s flat mate

Two chicken are gossiping… And one of them says to the other: “You know Brad?” “Yeah.” “He’s a total dick.”

There is an existential horror upon seeing your password in handwriting.

What religion do ghosts practice? Boo-ddhism

Why did Courteney Cox? Because Lisa Kudrow.

If you ever take a bus and you don’t stare out the window and pretend you’re escaping your abusive mother, you’re doing it all wrong.

Why does Barbie hate Amazon? because they’re always putting sales out on ken-dolls.

What does the Philosophy major say a year after he graduates? “Would you like fries with that?”

A lot of my friends struggle hard with drug addiction and alcoholism but they both came real easy for me.

Had to get up at 8 o’clock to work. That’s 8 in the MORNING. Like a fucking farmer or something.