How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Follow the fresh prints.

Is it solipsistic in here or is it just me? *noun the view or theory that the self is all that can be known to exist.*

What cause of death did the doctor give for a patient whom died after staring at a woman’s behind? assfixation

Why didn’t the rope get any presents this year? He was very knotty.

The best part of being old for the holidays? Nobody bats an eye when you ‘randomly fall asleep’ in the middle of a conversation.

I asked my boyfriend “How pretty am I on a scale from 9.5-10?”

What’s a Frenchmen’s favorite vacation? A retreat.

I’m at my most pacman when I try and get to the snack table at a party without interacting with a single person.

why don’t chickens wear pants? Because their pecker is on their heads!

Add inches to your penis with this one simple trick! Sharpen the edge of your ruler before you measure.