Ever been to a Canadian mosh pit? “Oh sorry eh! Oh! Sorry! Sorry, eh? Sorry? So sorry! Oh! Oh no…. Sorry, eh?”

What do a car, a bus, and a family have in common? The car and the bus both have wheels.

Just dropped the kids off at the pool. Totally embarrassed them by peeing on them.

Wore my hair in a ponytail to Walmart and 4 people asked me to defend them in Drug Possession Cases. Court starts Monday.

What’s the difference between jam and jelly? I can’t jelly my dick up your ass…

Why don’t blind people bungee jump? Cuz’ it scares the fuck out of the dogs!

One does not know true happiness until he gets married But then it’s too late… Source: I heard it in a PS2 Raw vs Smackdown game…

Home made honey mustard ! I have a beehive full of bees trained to eat mustard … and that is what comes out !

Roses are red Violets are blue I’ve got multiple personalities disorder And so do I.

The guy I just cut off thinks he’s gonna destroy my car with high beams.