How many optometrists does it take to change a lightbulb? One or two? One.. ..Or two?

I redid my fence yesterday. It needed to be reposted.

Texans can’t comprehend vegans. We just think their barbeque grills are broken.

Last night, I got in touch with my inner self… That’s the last time buying cheap toilet paper.

Madonna falls off stage apparently she was supposed to untie her cape so that her dancers could rip it off her. i guess madonna is not as good at pulling things off as she used to be.

The priest said that the demon really wants to leave, but I’m way too clingy, so the exorcism didn’t work.

How do you buy hair? You have toupee

I just had a coughing fit and think I accidently created a Nicki Minaj song featuring Ke$ha. Sorry, you guys.

“Hey, enough with the damn songs! We’re all studying for finals.” -rest of the school on Glee

My grandma can hold her breath for over fourteen years!