What is the difference between Batman and a black man? Batman can go into a convenience store without Robin.

college is a lot like kindergarten except instead of going to school im smoking weed in my dorm at 1 pm

What would George Washington do if he were alive today? Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

Randomly print things to give your co-workers the impression you’re working.

My mind is a micro-government, fighting wars of its own creation for profit.

My best friend keeps bagging me for being a virgin I haven’t got the courage to tell him I slept with his sister.

Why could nobody win a dance off at the annual African American ball? Because it was a black tie event

[whole foods] WHITE GIRL: excus me do u hav pumpkin EMPLOYEE: (hands her a pumpkin) here WHITE GIRL: no no no. PUMPKIN. its a type of spice

What Do You Call Giving a Dutch Guy a Gun? Armin Van Buren.

10th anniversary So my girlfriends dad just accused me of pedophilia, she is 18 and I am 32. It ruined our 10th anniversary