[sees someone use multiple contradictory excuses to compel faith-based behavior] perhaps i can reason you out of this using history and laws

My family thinks I don’t get jokes But I’m actually great at them!

What sport does the kool-aid man play? Baseball; he’s a pitcher.

What do you call an Italian man with Parkinson’s? A stutterer.

How do you sink a French battleship? Put it in water.

Is your name Jingle Bells, cause you look like you go all the way

Got in a fight about the Treaty of Versailles. I said the German fines were too punitive; the guy at Starbucks said buy something or leave.

A man went to the zoo. All they had to exhibit was a dog. It was a shih tzu.

Fat chicks don’t get wet….. They get greasy

If I could, I’d wear plaid every day. But I feel as though doing that would cross several lines.