What did airport security tell the Dentist? We need to give you a cavity search

I was in a cab today and the cab driver said… “I love my job, I’m my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do.” Then I said, “Turn left.”

I tried explaining sarcasm to some kleptomaniacs but they always take things literally.

What do you call a guy with no shins? Tony….. toe knee

How do you make an Chocolat omelette? With Easter eggs.

Wait, so pooping on the entire rim of a toilet, closing the seat over it, and calling it a “Devil’s Oreo” ISN’T a thing?

Joke: What does it imply when a tick is found on a vagina? That you may have to pull out. Just wanted to ask whether this is a keeper.

If ISIS is destroyed… … Will they be known as WASWAS?

Art thief. Did you hear about the discerning art thief who burgled the Impressionist exhibit? He was in it for the Monet.

What does having sex in a canoe and drinking light beer have in common. Either way you’re fucking close to water.