Women used to call me ugly until they heard how much money I have Now they call me ugly and poor. (Heard a long time ago, couldn’t find source)

What did the Jewish pedophile say to the kid? Would you like to buy some candy?

WTF VAMPIRE BATS WILL VOMIT BLOOD INTO MOUTHS OF SICK BATS 2 KEEP THEM ALIVE THATS DOPE AF & STILL A BETTER LOVESTORY THAN TWILIGHT

Why was the cemetery plot salesman upset? Business was dead.

Did you hear about the Irish man who tried to blow up a bus? He burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe.

I’m getting sick of eating airline food all the time Said the Malaysian shark.

What’s the problem with Java jokes? They have no *class*.

If laughing is good for you because you use 15 muscles, think how healthy you’ll be if you’re breaking a chair on someone’s head every day.

How can you tell if you have a high sperm count? Your girl has to chew before she swallows.

I SCREAM, YOU SCREAM, WE ALL SCREAM, BECAUSE GRANDPA FORGOT TO WEAR HIS HEARING AIDS AGAIN!