What kind of overalls does Mario wear? denimdenimdenim

How is American beer like having sex in a canoe? Because it’s fucking close to water.

What is blue and lies by the seabed? Probably not a planned child.

She blew her only chance of ever being with me And we’re still together after all these years

What do you call a teacher who’s always late? Mr Bus

What do you call a drunk dinosaur? A Staggersaurus.

Four year olds can’t even go for cigarettes or anything. Four year olds are useless.

[crumpled up paper on floor] *tries to flip it up like hacky sack* *tries to flip it up…* *tries to flip…* *tries…* *leaves it*

So Saudi Arabia Was Elected Head Of The Human Rights Panel…

I said to the gym instructor: “Can you teach me to do the splits?” He said: “How flexible are you?” I said: “I can’t make Tuesdays.”