With all those ‘thoughts and prayers’ on Facebook it’s amazing people are *still* dying.

Did you know that the new iPhone 5 helps people lose weight? When you pay for it you can’t afford to eat for a month.

WELCOME TO GYM. [5gp] WOOD MUSCLE // [10gp] LEATHER MUSCLE // [50gp] IRON MUSCLE // [100gp] WISTFUL MUSCLE // [999gp] DESOLATION MUSCLE

A Catholic priest walks into a bar he shits all over the floor. It’s disgusting. Customers leave.

Meta I asked my friend ” you know what is the best type of joke? A meta joke.”

I submitted ten puns to a pun contest to see which one would win.. No pun in ten did.

What did Luke Skywalker get for his 16th birthday? A Toy-Yoda

In art class I was told black was a shade not a color. That must mean black people aren’t colored: they’re shady.

Why did the kid drop his ice cream? Because the bus hit him.

Kids today will never know the joy of being selected to go outside to dust the erasers.