I know there’s something wrong with my braille book… but I can’t quite put my finger on it.

What do you call sex with a burrito? Getting chipotlaid.

Just came up with.. Q: How do pirates like their jigsaws? A: In pieces of eight.

Why are mountains so funny? Because they are hill areas. I’ll show myself out

My biggest fear is that I’m holding my baby and a rapper asks me to put my hands in the air.

Me: I’d like to adopt that baby. Clerk: Sir, that’s a family sized platter of Super Nachos.

Don’t you just hate it when you can’t go to someone’s funeral Because that person is still alive?

Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, your pets in tupperware, your grandad in a crockpot and your mother in law in a ziplock bag.

IT routine is full of jokes What is suitable for the employer it’s real pain in ass for the recruiter

Why do Pokemon have eyes? So they can pikachu