The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop and says “can you make me one with everything?”

Some pretty young girl just knocked on my door saying there was a Pokemon inside my house… I was all “Nice try Chris Hansen…”

What do a pimp and a cowboy have in common? They both know how to throw a ho-down.

There are only 10 types of people in this world… Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

Was just in an elevator with my ex, so I stopped at every floor to show him he was wrong on so many levels.

What does anal sex and broccoli have in common? If you’re forced to try it as a kid.. you probably wont like it as an adult.

What do you call the babies born in a whorehouse? Brothel sprouts.

Nosy Peppers Nosy peppers are jalapeno business.

the man who killed hitler …sacrificed his life to do it but people still hate him.

I try to teach my mom something new everyday. Because you’re supposed to learn from your mistakes.