What did O say to Q? Your boto is showing!

What kind of bees give milk? BOOBIES!!!

Me: This is DISGUSTING! WHO PEED ON THE WALL?! 7yo: Not me. I only pee on the floor.

I liked “Facebook posts” better when they were called “journal entries” and no one was allowed to read them.

Really, iTunes? You need to update my calculator app? Have there been changes to basic math that I’m unaware of?

You’ll never believe how much this girl paid me to have sex with her…… One vagina.

What’s the worst thing about living with Alzheimer’s? I forgot

My dog is attacking a tree. “Bark, bark, bark , bark.”

For a tiny person unable to wipe herself after she poops, my toddler has managed to hit me dead in the eyeball with 4 things today.

In “Come As You Are”, Kurt Cobain kept repeating “And I swear that I don’t have a gun”… …he lied.