Did you hear about the 4th place winner with the muscle condition? Even though he didn’t rank in the top three he still got atrophy.

[biologists find beached whale] its a new species what can we call it? [surfer walks by] yo killer whale bro [biologists look at each other]

What did the blind man say when he passed the fish market? ‘Hi girls!’

Sorry Amanda. There will be no second date. First off, the plural of shrimp IS shrimp. Not shrimps. Also it’s pronounced sammon, not sallman

If Jesus could see the way some Christians act today He’d be rolling in his grave

If i could have any super power, i’d pick the ability to lure kids into my truck without giving them candy i spent my hard earned money on.

Why are prosthetic limbs so in fashion? Anyone can pull them off

Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet ? It lives on ice !

What’s the great thing about 25 year olds? There’s 20 of them.

cause baby now we’ve got baaathtubs you know we soaking in maaad suds so take a loofah for baaack scrubs cause baby now we baaathtubs [hey!]