I hope the meteorite crash in Russia doesn’t affect the price of Vodka!

Tom Cruise has never starred in a movie where his character description didn’t include the word “hotshot.”

I accidentally used AOL.com to search for something today. I feel like everyone who works there probably high-fived each other and got really hopeful about the future.

Dear Algebra, please stop asking us to find your x. and dont ask y.

Whoever said money doesn’t grow on trees obviously never sold marijuana.

What did the Alabama woman say when she lost her virginity? Dad you’re crushing my cigarettes.

Trees put cats in their hair so they can flirt with firefighters when they climb up them.

Told my 4 yo that his hamster died and that was in heaven with God. 4yo: Why would God want a dead hamster?

I once knew a guy in high school who got caught masturbating in the shower. It really ruined our class trip to Auchwitz for us.

MIDDLE EAST: How can we stop ISIS? EUROPE: How can we save our economy? AMERICA: What color is this dress?!