What are two reasons why men don’t mind their own business? 1. No mind. 2. No business.

Why did everyone hate the window? He was a pane in the glass! Credit: 12 year old me

Having a traditional Columbus Day. Headed to a casino to hand out blankets with smallpox on them.

Non-Racist black joke What do you call four black men in a red sleeping bag? A Kit-Kat.

I think it’s weird that characters in comic strips always recite the alphabet to fall asleep… …But it’s even weirder that they always time it exactly fucking perfect.

Congratulations on your accomplishments! Whitney Houston, on being year sober!

What is hot, carbon-dated and buried deep inside Georgia? Her geography teacher’s cock.

See a penny pick it up… All day long you’ll have…. A nagging feeling that the previous owner wasn’t a “hand washer”.

Two sausages sitting in a frying pan… 1st sausage turns to the 2nd sausage and says, “is it me? Or is it really hot in here? ” 2nd sausage says, “HOLY SHIT! A talking sausage…”

This forest scent air freshener is really working. Three elk have moved into my living room.