“Honey, don’t try to feed ice cream to the Christmas tree,” is a thing I literally just said.

I can’t do this. I think I’m dying. Why does your face look like a donut? ~ me 30 minutes into dieting

Life is a soup And I’m a fork

David Cameron joke! They say David Cameron is a one term Prime Minister. That term is of course ‘cunt’.

Have you ever had sex while camping? I hear it’s fucking in tents.

‘Noah’ plot hole: THE FOOD CHAIN.

Doctor Doctor my husband smells like fish Poor sole!

There are 4 black guys in a rectangular room. They divide evenly into the 4 corners. How many men are in each corner? 3/5

While it may be physically possible to have a baby after 40, forty children are probably enough.

A skeleton walks into a bar… orders a beer and a mop.