Why should you never watch a movie with a generous Nascar driver? He might give away spoilers!

When I said that you’d always have a place to stay in rough times, I meant like a motel or a shelter. Anyway … You can’t stay here.

A dad walks into a zoo.. A dad walks into a zoo. He sees the only animal is a dog and says “Well, this is a shitzu”

Hey Goku, with how many women have you been with? – Just with Chi-Chi, and you Krillin? – With 18

Why did the fish’s car break down? It needed a tuna-up.

Why was Jered Fogle always late? He kept getting a little behind.

A Jewish kid goes to his dad and says, “Dad, I need to borrow fifty bucks”. The dad says, “Forty bucks? I don’t have thirty bucks, what do you need twenty bucks for?”

They say it’s impossible to be sad and happy at the same time My wife just told me I have the biggest dick out of all my brothers.

Guys, read the fine print before selling your soul to the devil. There’s no way to opt out of his email newsletters.

Canceling my subscription!! I’m tired of your issues.