What happened to the tiger who took a bath three times a day ? After a week he was spotless !

I want to give a shoutout to the sidewalk For keeping me off the street.

I couldn’t afford a vacation in Mexico, so I watched the Spanish channel all day and ate some undercooked chicken.

You are so dimwitted even the blackhole night sky looks brighter than you.

What do you call an Indonesian shoe factory that just had air conditioning installed? A sweatstop.

I’m returning this head of lettuce. It tastes awful. “Sir, that’s a loofah.” Oh. I’m returning this loofah. Someone took a bite out of it.

Whats the difference between a jew and a boyscout? The boyscout comes home from camp

My relationship with my cat is like that of a married couple. Basically we fight a lot and never have sex.

Why was the table pissed at Jesus? Because he looked a little cross.

A girl wants to go to the concert… She asked her dad for his permission, and he said, “no, but you can buy the album, and that’s vinyl.”