I don’t agree with all the critics towards priests nowadays. They are actually the only ones who slow down with their car when near a school.

Guys, what are your favorite “I’m going to hell for this” jokes? Here’s mine: What do you call a dead Mexican? Dearly deported.

“When fat people finish eating their Popsicles, let’s punish them with the taste of death.” –the creator of the wooden Popsicle stick

What did the Criminal call his new pretzel company? Assault and Buttery

If Chile and Turkey had a war… Would that be a recipe for disaster? Would Greece get involved?

*mugger pulls a knife* Mugger: gimme your money Me: well this night took a SHARP turn *later* Doctor: it’s a record for amount of stabs

Found out the paper in my favorite jeans is made from hemp. Hashtag Hashtag

What do you get when you cross a regular potato and a sweet potato? A tater tot.

What type of pasta is most likely to cheat for a musical award? Rigatoni

“Lets all start wearing weird ’90s mom jeans!” – girls now