What do the Mafia and pussies have in common? One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.

Give a man a fish.. C’mon..give it… bad doggy..

After exercising and eating right all week on Saturday I’m like the Kool-Aid man running into Chipotle.

i went to a seafood disco once… And I pulled a mussel.

Mike Tyson refuses to play on any Playstation… He is an Ex-Boxer.

Why did the gay guy cross the road? Because he is gay and the people on the other side of the road hate him and asked him to leave.

I broke a lightbulb, smashed artwork, splattered milk from cereal bowls across kitchen walls and knocked over candles. Fly is dead.

What do you call an unfinished inflow of money? Incomplete.

How many teenagers does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes 1 to screw it in, and 99 to tweet about it.

What do a 9 volt battery and a hot chick’s asshole have in common? You know you shouldn’t but you are going to put your tongue on it eventually.