make it a double A woman walks into a bar. The bartender asks her what she wants. “I’ll have an entendre,” she says. “Make it a double” So he gave it to her.

Loyalty Test… Wife buys 12 underwears of same color for hubby.. Hubby- Why same color sweetheart. people will think I never change my underwear. Wife- Which people Total silence…

Everyone around me is obsessed with finding true love. All I want is a girl who will laugh at my jokes.

Innkeeper: The room is $45 per night. It’s $35 if you make your own bed. Guest: I’ll make my own bed. Innkeeper: Good. I’ll get you some nails and wood.

How do you differentiate a basic bitch from a bad bitch? You pour phenolphthalein on her and watch it turn pink.

There are 10 types of people in the world Those who get binary and those who don’t.

This year, measuring your accomplishments against Lindsay Lohan’s will ensure you feel like a winner merely for avoiding the penal system.

Why did the mean teacher walk around with her purse open? She’d read there was going to be some change in the weather.

Whenever I meet a girl with tattoos, I get excited. Because I know she’s legal and willing to do stuff she may regret.

Why did the lizard take viagra? He suffered from a reptile disfunction.