You tell me to get off my high horse? Why dont you tell the damn horse to stop getting high all the time.. His drug problem isn’t my problem

In response to /u/WisestAirBender, “Backwards” is also a palindrome. “Backwards” spelled backwards is “Sdrawkcab”, which is still backwards.

new instagram notification – Girl Who Actually Secretly Hates You Commented ‘omg literally why are u so perfect” On Your Photo!

Oh you sneaky little bastard! [Link to the joke.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/3ei9ie/the_best_joke_i_know/)

My coworker just took a broom and pole vaulted over the cubicle partition to confront the woman who accused her of being on speed.

How did the Italian die? Talking while driving.

[Person who spends 20 hours per week in the gym] “The trick is to drink 8 glasses of water a day.”

What is Snoop Dogg’s favorite weather? Drizzle

I stopped writing poetry when I realized their only value was to threaten to read them to people if they didn’t do what I wanted.

I have Capri Sun and pudding in my fridge which proves I’m four or poor.