I found the one When I saw her my knees got weak and my vision got blurry. That’s when I realized I drunk the wrong glass.

ME: Velma cant see anything without her glasses, so in order to find her glasses, she needs to be wearing them PRIEST: Those are your vows?

Rabbit: I got kicked out of my cage for not paying the rent. My wife walked out and took our twenty-nine bunnies with her. I’m all out of carrots. What should I do? Friend: Don’t worry; be hoppy!

My exercise routine is a running joke.

If you win three games of Twister in a row you’re automatically a yoga instructor.

More men have been enrolling in domestic violence support groups than ever If you can’t beat em, join em

Why can’t Chinese people eat Swans? They don’t have a Pitchfork. (This is a music reference joke)

A man comes to the infodesk in a mall And says: “Sorry, I seem to have lost my son in the mall, can I make an announcement on your PA system?” “Oh, sure” The man leans towards the mike: “I’m vegan”

There are three kinds of people on this earth. Those who can count … And those who can’t.

If you post a pic of the temperature in your car on Facebook the University of Phoenix will email you a Meteorology degree.