My brother has muscular dystrophy and we got into an argument about religion I told him his argument is just as valid as his legs…. Weak.

What is the difference between a gorilla and Michael Jackson? One of them got shot for touching a kid.

Movie Law: All computer hackers have to say “We’re in” when they get into “the system”

Before I die, I’m putting fake treasure maps behind all my picture frames. My grand children will be so pwned.

Kind of cruel that “stutter” has two syllables.

C’mon, I can’t be the only one that does kegels to pass the time in meetings

Why can’t Stevie Wonder read? Because he’s black.

Why did the man cross the road? Because his dick was stuck in the chicken.

Why was the Pedophile’s movie rated PG-13? It only had minor nudity.

[1st date] HER: My favorite movie is Zoolander, how bout u? ME: OMG SAME HER: What part’s ur fave? ME: Um [sweating] when he lands a zoo