What do you call obnoxious almonds? DEEZ NUTS!!! HA! GOT EEM!

How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on him.. heh

A man is getting head from his wife… …and tells her that he wants to cum in her ear. “I’ll go deaf!” she says. “Yeah? Well I always cum in your mouth, but you never shut the fuck up!”

Why your fingers have spaces in between? nothing!why? would you like it to be very close to each other. You’re not a duck!

What is a Jewish dilemma Free ham

How do you start making big bucks? With a little doe

“As first lady you would be responsible for the White House china. Any thoughts?” MELANIA TRUMP: Oh, Donald says he’s getting rid of China

Walls are just sober floors.

My German girlfriend likes to rate my sexual performances on a scale of 1-10. Last night we tried anal. She kept yelling 9. That’s the best I’ve ever done.

Elliott Smith… Wouldn’t know heartache if it stabbed him in the chest.