Did you hear about the man who opened a yacht showroom? Sales went through the roof.

Dating a single mother: It’s like continuing from somebody else’s saved game.

What do you call a starfish with a missing arm Patrick Stump

I love avocados in my salad I would go buy some right now, but I don’t have a car doe

Time is at once the most valuable and most perishable of all our possessions.

Why did the sand dune blush? Because the sea weed

Don’t you just love whiteboards? They’re remarkable.

I tried to change my password to Twilight. But there was an error saying it contained too many useless characters.

I like my coffee like I like my women… …in two enormous cups.

Why can’t I be rubied or diamonded. NOOO. I had to be jaded.