Has 2 wings but doesn’t fly, Has 2 eyes but doesn’t see, has 2 legs doesn’t walk, what is it ? A Dead bird

Welcome to my garden of actors And on your left, we have the Benedict Cucumber Patch

What’s dumber than a box of rocks? The hippie carrying it. What’s dumber than that? The yuppie buying it. What’s dumber than that? The box of rocks

My vocabulary is so poor… I can not express it in words.

What’d be worse? Zombie apocalypse or Facebook shutting down and 500 million retards all of sudden using twitter?

It’s crazy how quick women are to cut each other’s throats over a guy! I mean I’d understand if it were shoes….but a guy???

A movie theater near me closed down they didn’t meet projections

How many ADD/ADHD kids does it take to change a light bulb? Wanna go ride bikes?

Best thing about being a hermit? No peer pressure.

My grandson asked me what it’s like to be married so I told him to leave me alone. When he did, I asked him why he was ignoring me